Oh goldenfiddle, you found that perfect note today. Here's a taste...

"...Then this little guy got up on the turntables and put on some weird ragga dancehall shit that sounded like Kid 606 meets M.I.A. Everyone was like, “Wait, a fucking cat is on the decks? What?” and then they were all, “Um, I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.”

"...These poor bastards work so hard they only have one or two nights a week to let go and it all comes gushing out in a no-pussy-for-miles “Don’t Stop Believin’ ” drunken ejaculation of missed opportunities. Wooooh!"

"What is it about these “make up your own religion” guys where fucking a lot of young girls is always a crucial part of the “awakening.”

"We saw this girl at a normal bar wandering around like she just moved here and was worried that she was too advanced for her new scene and was going to have to dumb it down a bit but then she thought, “Fuck this, I am going to elevate this scene to my level,” exactly like Kevin Bacon did in Footloose where he taught the whole town how to rock."

"Let’s face it. Homeless people are gross. Their shit-encrusted underpants have grown around the sores on their ass, and their feet reek so bad it’s interesting."

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